If I were a billionaire I would absolutely tell my secretary to send wedding gifts to anyone who sent me an invite regardless of if I knew them, because- A. I know how expensive that nonsense is. B. I would be a billionaire and when else am I gonna do with that much money? Honestly… and C. I would totally make showing up at random weddings with crazy awesome gifts my new stress relief hobby. “Congratulations random strangers! I admire your daring and stratigic planning. Here’s that 700$ tea set you wanted but assumed no one would ever buy.”
Do you even have to be getting married
Are they gonna check
Damn it sure is
“we invited an eccentric billionaire to our fake wedding in the hopes of getting a free present, but then they said they would come and now we have to have an actual fake wedding for them to attend.”
sometimes i think back on rose tyler being the companion to usher in dw to a new generation and she was portrayed by billie piper as a common girl with baggy clothes and messy hair and such uncommon beauty and i’m just like, wow rtd really did give us a wholly imperfect, utterly extraordinary companion and made her the actual hero of the show … the power
This was actually a huge draw for me when I first started watching it. The first thing that we saw was this person with realistic bedhead waking up in a realistically messy room, and I was like YES. It was completely different from the manicured Hollywood version of girls/women that I’ve always seen, and it was so refreshing.
What strikes me as most transgressive about her character is that she’s working class - unambiguously, unapologetically. She doesn’t just wake up in a messy room; she wakes up in a tiny bedroom that barely fits her bed. Her hair is not expertly coiffed, she did it herself with a shitty blow dryer in front of a bathroom mirror with bad lightning. Her clothes, make-up and jewelry scream “late 00′s lower class girl”; she doesn’t have the money to develop a refined taste, but makes do with what she can afford. In all her seasons, she always looks kinda trashy, in a way none of the other companions ever did.
And that’s something I don’t think I have ever seen before, at least not in this kind of fantasy/adventure show. Even if the characters tell us they’re struggling economically, they always have that vague aura of middle/upper class about them, that comes with having an expensive wardrobe, perfect make up, a nice apartment, etc. Rose is different; nothing about her, from her home to her workplace is even remotely glamorous.
Class is something that is so seldom addressed in fiction - when it isn’t the whole point of the story, anyway.
today at work a toddler in a high chair patted me on the arm to get my attention, then when i crouched down and asked him what’s up, he pointed at the table full of chatty old ladies across the aisle and said “NOISE” and i have never in my life been more delighted by a guest complaint
I’ve worked with skulls and taxidermy for years, and my mother was a mortician, so death doesn’t yuck me out, but something about holding a skull and going, “Hm… there was a brain in this,” just slams me into an existential crisis at eighty-eight miles per hour.
Me, singing quietly while I gently scrape tissue off of teeth: I’m just meat! I’m just meat! I’m meat that has opinions and one day I’ll die!
The most hilarious thing about the fact Buckbeak had a trial and lost is that later on JKR resolves the issue by having Hagrid take him in again and renaming him Witherwings. That’s literally all it took. What if in POA, Hagrid simply said, “Sorry, Buckbeak flew away.”
“There’s a hippogriff right there, Hagrid.”
“A different hipprogriff.”
“I’m… pretty sure that’s the same hipprogriff.”
“Prove it.”
no dna tests we die like scientifically underdeveloped societies
Prisoner of Azkaban continues to be the most frustrating book
Someone should have just adopted Sirius and started calling him Gerald.
Remus: Erm… this is our new order member, my… cousin Gerald. Gerald White.
“Mr. Lupin that is Sirius Black with glasses!” “Oh come now Minister, Sirius Black doesn’t wear glasses. That wouldn’t make sense.” “Well have Mr. White take off his glasses then!” “He can’t he needs them to see.”
it got better
It’s honestly a miracle to me that wizarding society doesn’t collapse every other week because like
You’ve got this world full of people who can destroy whole buildings or turn people into beetles or make vehicles fly just by waving a stick at them
And there is literally no common sense
Anywhere to be found
Voldemort would never have had anyone find out he was back if he just went around calling himself Steve
Okay, see, I thought I saved this post to comment on it but I’d like to bring up
The Minister would NEVER EVER disbelieve in Gerald White. He’d buy it hook line and sinker. The wizarding world would buy it hook line and sinker. The GOBLINS wouldn’t but wizards have been shown to be pretty blindingly clueless. Still, Gringotts would grudgingly give Sirius access to the Black fortune.
But, but, but, you know the one person
the one person
who Gerald White would drive AB-SO-LUTELY FUCKING BATSHIT?
Severus Snape.
Snape would do everything, EVERYTHING, to get people to believe that it’s Sirius. But the Order would ignore it (they accepted Sirius as Sirius before anyway) and Remus would just be so… so affronted.
‘Severus, he is my cousin.’
And Sirius would love it. He’d love the fact that Snape just hated it. He’d be the BEST DAMN GERALD WHITE EVER b/c Snape is doing everything from dropping veritaserum into his firewhisky to capturing a dementor in a box and releasing it on Sirius when he least expects it
That one causes problems for a bare minute because SHIT A DEMENTOR ATTEMPTED TO GIVE GERALD THE KISS MAYBE SNAPE IS RIGHT except Harry comes forward and is like ‘excuse me, I’ve never committed a crime and dementors are ALWAYS attacking me, I think they’re attracted to glasses’
and the magical community is like ‘shit, yeah, you’re right’
and just
Spare. Snape goes spare.
Picturing Snape as Mr. Crocker from the Fairly Oddparents now.
Gerald White eventually becomes a fully registered animagus. When he turns into his animagus form right in front of Snape, Snape’s bursting at the seams, just pointing at him and spluttering:
‘HE’S A BIG BLACK DOG! A DOG - THAT IS BLACK. SIRIUS BLACK. BLACK DOG DOG BLACK.’
And Remus calmly says: “That’s absurd, Severus. Sirius Black was never an animagus and besides which, people’s names don’t have any influence over their animagus forms or anything like that. That’s ridiculous.”
And Snape yells: “Shut it WEREWOLF MCWEREWOLF!”
Everyone looks at Remus, who blinks and sighs as Gerald White turns back into his human form.
“Pure coincidence,” Gerald says. “My aunt was into Roman mythology. Has to happen sometimes.” Then he pauses to give Snape an overly concerned look. “Are you alright, Severus? You’re looking a little red.”
